This is just one of the days of all the days in a year that I just want to be home and be silent, watch the world around me, listen to my kids laughter, smile at my mom, love my husband, and… Just and… Hmm.
Category Archives: Feelings
You’re going to be an Auntie!
So my sister hasn’t been feeling well lately. She was feeling like she had the flu and lately has been very needy.
“My poor sister,” I thought. She’s not feeling good. So on the first day. We made her tofu “chicken” soup. I bought all the ingredients and then my mom mixed it all together with a hint of her own flavorful style. It was delicious. So Delish that even the kids ate some.
So I go to drop off the soup to little sister and I stayed there for a couple of hours. It was a nice spending time with her. We talked about her work and a little bit about my new business. I didn’t go all in detail because I didn’t want to bore her too much, but I listened to unhappy she was. Well, I have her some sisterly advice and told her that if she has an opportunity to do something that she loves then do it while she can. Otherwise, life can get so busy, you forget your dream.
The following week, she still was not feeling so good. She still needed he’ll doing her wedding invites, so she asked me to come over Saturday morning.
I had told her in the middle Of the week to get checked. I all of a sudden had this “what if” moment. What if she’s pregnant? I know I was a bit teasing her and even the week before, my mom and hubby went to visit her, and the symptoms she gave were all signs to pregnancy.
Well, she takes me to her mini kitchen area and hands me something to peel. I tried not to read it and as I peeled away, the sticky paper read, “You’re to be an Auntie!” I screamed! And I was so happy?! I was confused between laughing and crying.
I hugged My sister and congratulated Ting… How amazing!
Then they seriously cooked some awesome home made vegan waffles with strawberries and syrup on top. It was super yummy! The. We talked about announcing it.
Baby sister wanted to wait till she could hear the heart beat. The first trimester is always the sensitive time, so she made promise not to say anything until the first trimester is over! Do you know hard that is?! I still haven’t told hubby and I feel like a Boogher for keeping it a secret from my mom.
But it is exciting and I can’t wait until we plan on how to surprise the family!!! Woohoo!
IM GOING TO BE AN AUNTIW!
Hmm
I don’t know what to say.
I’m at a restaurant called Onami but instead of enjoying a seafood oriental buffet and celebrating my parent’s wedding anniversary, I’m in the bathroom crying.
I had just gotten home from dropping off Joy (she’s like a daughter to me) and it turned out my Aunt wasn’t home, which means I left her there all by herself.
She found a way to call her Kuya Arthur and he was able to pick her up.
I waited until we were all out the car to tell my husband that I felt bad for leaving her. I said this in front of my son to him and the response my husband gave me wasn’t what I expected.
He said, ” Good! You should feel bad.”
My son goes, “wow, dad!?”
I just looked at him and walked away.
Too choked up to say anything else, I just kept to myself.
This is the second time treating me like I’m inferior to him in front of my son. I don’t think he realizes that our son sees how he’s treating me and it’s just sad. It makes me sad and right now, I just don’t feel like giving him the respect he worked so hard to earn from me. He worked hard for me to be able to open up to him and instead his pride builds up when he’s in front of other people, including his own son.
I felt bad for leaving my “daughter” already, and I know I made a mistake and I claimed that fault. So instead of at least saying, “It was a mistake, and people make mistakes.” He practically made a fool of me in front of my son.
My tears are building up again and I’m holding it all in.
He tried to make conversations with me while at the restaurant and instead I would just give him a look or just walk away as if I didn’t hear him. I couldn’t smile and I really was not interested in anything he had to say.
Perhaps I should tell him again how I’m feeling, but I now he’s subscribed to this blog and I know he will read this.
Saying “sorry” won’t fix this. He needs to talk to his son about how to treat a girl, a woman, or even his future wife and that the way he talked to me was disrespectful.
Now if he doesn’t do that, then truly I would rather just cry alone rather than run into his arms for comfort, because the pride of a man is not worth him wiping my tears away.
Hebrews 13:7
Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.
What is Life?
LIFE
I had asked this question before… And now someone else did…
My hubby’s friend asked this question.
I couldn’t help but smile, cause I knew the answer.
It’s when you’ve already died, but God gives it back so that you can live it for Him and make a change in someone else’s. 🙂
-Michelle
Live
In
Fullness
Everyday
Music choice: “I want to live like that.”
Long Day
Hmm… Had a long day today.
Woke up and the first I did was say thank you to God for another day.
I came down the stairs and saw hubby resting on the recliner. The kids gave me a big hug. Then I went to go kiss my Luv and he felt warm. He had a temperature.
He didn’t feel well all day. No worries I said. So as he rested, I took the opportunity to clean and sort our shed. Then I attacked the laundry and the garage. I vacuumed and played with the kids. My eldest son helped me with laundry. He was my super helper today. I even had tea with my Big Girl, Mei.
And watched Myella eat a toast on the stairs with joy and content as she listened to the baby birds make noises from their nest on our porch.
By night fall, I was ready to go to bed, but as you can see, I’m typing away. At the same time, I’m listening to Klove.
The first song they played was Pray by Sanctus Real… “Perfect!” I thought! “The perfect way to end the night.”
Don’t forget to pray! Gnite and I love you!
Happy 14 years!
Happy Anniversary Luv!
No words could ever express how happy you make me… I am the most blessed woman in the world to have a husband who sacrifices every minute of his day to make sure his family is safe and happy… You are my bestie – my other half that keeps me balanced when one outweighs the other… You make everything better and I would be lost without you!
I look forward to our future with wrinkles galore and gummy kisses, races to and from the bathroom, and laughing with our grand kids…
-your wifey
{Photo Credit: ML Debut, D.Saria}
Shame
A guy walks in and helps his mom sign in for her appt. Suddenly, a guy in his chair yells out, “Pull up your pants! You’re mooning me!”
The guy at the front desk looks at him and realizes it was him the other person was yelling at and goes, “do you always speak out like that?”
The guy in the chair says, “No, but your mooning me! I think it’s nasty!”
“Are you in the military the other guy asks?”
“No.” Said the guy in the chair.
The other guy pulls his pants up and just turns towards his mother and helps her sit down. He didn’t say anything unkind or gave a mean look. He went to his seat and kept his mother occupied… And ignored the other man. The other man, however, kept looking over and probably felt sorry, but was too prideful to say, “Sorry.”
😦 I didn’t like seeing that. Very immature and inappropriate for a grown man to yell out to another man in public, especially when he’s helping his mom. Such a shame.
Yet it taught me a lesson that although we often get offended in some way, God said to also turn the other cheek:
Matthew 5:39
New Living Translation (©2007)
“But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.”
AND-
1 Peter 2:22
“He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.”
Forgive and forgetting may be tough to do at times, but this situation proved that its as easy as just walking away.
At the end of the day
Hubby texted me and asked, “How’s your day?”
Here was my response:
My day consisted of waking up at 8, getting all kids dressed and fed…
Got Ermel jib. Go to moms and too care of dogs.
Dropped off mom to bus at plaza.
Go to church for 45 mins just for p&w. leave to drop off Ermel by 1145. But place didnt actually open until 12 and parents weren’t there.
Went to store to get Myella slippers and gift for Eiley.
Drive to ICC only to find out kids left with family. That’s ok. So drive to Peter piper and ate for 30 mins and watched kids for 15 mins. Left to pick up Ermel at laser tag with Myella while leaving Mei and Jah with Lola Remy.
But Ermel forgot his jacket so I had to go back to get it.
Now at Peter piper again.
I think I’ll be crying soon.
***
After Peter Piper to celebrate Eiley’s 4th bday, we went back to Lola’s house and took care of dogs. Ermel walked them around while I prepped their food and cleaned the puppy area. The kids played some more. Lola Remy cooked spam and corn beef (yummy!) and that’s what the kids had for dinner. I fellowshipped with with my sister n law and Auntie using our iPhones and figuring out Skype. It was so funny!
Took out the dogs once more for the night, helped clean up the kids mess and off to the hotel. Our house isn’t done being renovated yet. Buhu!
It’s now the end of the day and back in the hotel. I prepped the kids for bed – shower, teeth, hair, clothes for tonight and for school tomorrow. I have work tomorrow so the kids are next door in Nanay’s room and will be spending the night. It’s easier that way so that they don’t have to be woken up at 5am just to transfer room while daddy drops me off to work.
And after all the talking from raising my voice to praise, discipline, and comfort my kids… And after feeling so tired, worn out, and so ready to go to bed… My heart misses them when they are not by my side.
Picture my day:
**Ermel putting a band aid on Myella after accidentally opening the bathroom door and scraping her Big toe… Myella saw blood and kept yelling, “Mommy, hook! Help me!” Ermel apologized to his baby sister and put a Hello Kitty band aid on her.
*** Pic of kids with Kuya Alex on a roller coaster ride at Peter Piper. Now this is what I call sharing! Happy birthday Eiley!
*** My 12 year old hanging out with friends at Laser Tagging. He hasn’t been to one since he was 5. He had fun!
*** Before WE could go to sleep, I finally got to teach and help Mei Mei make a sleeping bag and pillow for her doll. She’s happy!
Goodnight, my sweethearts! I love you!
-Mommy
No more babies…
The one thing everyone kept telling me after having my heart attacks was “No more babies.” So instead, hubby goes out and adopts puppies. Not just one, but three. Actually, one was given and the other two were adopted from families who couldn’t care for them anymore for personal reasons.
It was a lot of work caring and raising a jack Russell chihuahua mix, and two yorkies.
Last month, we announced that our yorkie girl was prego. Well, she had the pups days later.
Bubbles is her name and she gave birth to FIVE beautiful pups. She did a great job delivering.
Everything was going well. Their tails got docked on the third day: then they started to crawl by the second week, walk by the third, got out of their whelping box by the fourth, eating on the fifth, and now onto their 6th week.
But there was one pup that captured my heart and the heart of my daughter, Myella. We called her Baby.
Baby would walk up to Myella and Myella would pick her up right away and embrace her and gives kisses galore. Ermer and I agree that we would keep Baby just for Myella.
But Baby didn’t feel well recently. I went to do my daily clean up and check up on them and noticed that she was a little wobbly and stubbly. I took her to the vet right away. I told hubby and he was a bit hesitant about me wanting to go through the check up.
We went to the Pet Emergency Clinic near Regal Cinemas. I met Dr. Ben-Ari and he was super sensitive and nice about Baby’s care plan. He went over labs and his assessment with me, and he pretty much said, “Baby is dying.” We didn’t know from what, but because she’s so little, they can’t do much to help with surgery or even replace an organ unlike humans. I held my emotion in and waited to speak to hubby about what to do. Our options were to admit her into the clinic and do everything they can to save her or euthanize her. Hubby and I wanted to take Baby home and gave faith to try and help her better, or die naturally at home.
We were determined to help Baby survive. We fed her every 2-3 hours with milk replacement and water. We played with her, we helped her walk, and kept her warm.
She seemed to be doing so well. When morning came, she looked hopeful and even walked looking for me. She came when I said come and then she laid down and was tired. Poor Baby, I picked her up and held her against my skin. She did cry a lot though. So in the afternoon, I took her to her mommy and her siblings. There she stopped crying for a few hours, but she still just laid there.
Hubby wanted me to keep her there for the rest of the night so that the mommy can care for her, but I told him that’s 12 hours without guarantee that she will be nursed. So hubby brought her and Bubbles (the mommy) over to the hotel.
Baby looked restless. The kids got to see her and Myella was excited. But I had to make sure they let Baby rest.
Finally, it was time for bed, and the kids were brought over to Nanay’s room in the hotel so that we could care for the puppy.
After they left, it was time for me to feed Baby. But I noticed that Baby wasn’t responding to the bottle feeding… Not a gulp or a flinch. Her chest was still rising, but her eyes… Her eyes had this blank state… A look that I once saw in a gerbil I had when I was a teen. He died… Which meant she was going to die… Soon, very soon…
My heart was breaking and I could see the pattern. I don’t have medicine, I don’t have labs, I don’t have instruments to see how I could help this poor pup. I felt helpless… We can’t afford to pay for her hospital care so the only option was to euthanize her. We chose neither. And it was so unfair! Poor girl, she’s only 5 1/2 weeks old!
At 9:45 p.m., Baby stretched, shivered a little, and took her last breath… Hubby saw. There was no more chest rise, no crying, no heartbeat.
I couldn’t hold it anymore. I went straight to the bathroom and cried… And cried… And cried.
Only a day after we notice she was sick, she passes away. It’s very heartbreaking. I told hubby, “No more babies.” He saw the tears roll down my eyes and he saw how hurt I was. He promised me that everything was going to be ok.
I realize that my husband is my assurance and when he says everything is going to be okay, then it’s going to be okay.
I’m crying… And it’s ok to cry.
He loves me, He loves me not
I can stand up for myself. But knowing that she wants to talk to you… That’s fine… But the fact that you don’t want to talk even when you know what it’s about tells me that you’re scared of her. And that you don’t want to deal with it. Which also makes me feel like you won’t or can’t stand up for me… You can succumb to what she has to say to you and I’ll just stand back and know my place…
aheartsbeginning 