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Went mall shopping with my Princess Mei this afternoon! She wanted to find an outfit for her birthday. Oh, this girl! Her style is something I would have worn when I was her age! Super cute! Her bday is coming up and we’re not sure what to do for her! It would have been easier just to have a weekend party, but still weary about COVID so not just yet.

Closed doors

I know why I don’t always like to be around people. I realize that it’s safer for me to not get too close and to hide my feelings when I’m angry or especially when I’m sad. Hide in my room, because I feel like it’s the safest place in the world. I have an entire house filled with love, laughter, and joy. Yes, my comfort is in my room. This is where I lay my head, this is where I make love, this is where my memories I feel that with my children from the time they were born and perhaps til the day I die.

I feel safe in my room. And I always wonder why. I think it’s because when I’m angry, I can simply just close and lock the door and everyone knows not to come inside. Even when I’m sad, I close and lock the door and people know not to come inside. But sometimes, do you want people to unlock the door and find me crying. Sometimes I hope they can hear me cry. To feel the pain, the shame, the fear, and the worry I have what are the things that life brings.

Even so, I know not most of them are my problems. But I empathize to the what if’s and I always think about that question, “What if it was me?“

I can say the most meanest things, and I know that what I say hurts. I’ve done so well to not yell at my children in a manner that I know it would hurt them, would discourage them, will make them fear me, I would even hate me. But I quietly cry the anger I feel inside, the disappointment I have, and just all these emotions makes me so tired. I get so tired. And it scares me.

SMH

Ahhhh!!! So crying so hard and dying inside!!!!

A friend of ours had posted something on Facebook a few months back and I had responded on behalf of hubby.

She was very much against COVID that she wanted us to read more about the illumanati and the government’s conspiracy over the shots and the amount of people dying.

OMG! I still can’t… I happened to see her current post about her husband being in the hospital and asking for prayer. I was just about to tell my husband (which he apparently already knew), but FB refreshed and there it was… a GOFUNDME for his funeral.

TEARS!!! 😢😭 I told hubby that I don’t know if I’m mad or sad and whether I’m sorry or if I’m not. I’m a believer and I had shared with her that we must also be obedient and disciplined to man’s law as we are to God’s law… she chose to differ.

Forgive me, Lord. Please help me understand… and to keep holding on, you stay strong and help others. Please keep all my family and friends safe!

Please listen and hear our prayers. Please be present for their family and bless them with your grace, mercy, strength, and love. They’re going to need it – I know I would. they need YOU.

We love you!

Shang Chi

Hubby took us out to the theater for the first time since COVID. I was excited but so nervous at the same time. I brought rubbing alcohol, Lysol, and hand wipes to disinfect the chair hubby reserved for us.

We sat at the very top left of the theater. I walked in and said sorry to the the two people nearby and told them I B was going to spray the chairs real quick. The kids made a comment that the Lysol smelled so strong.

I felt a little embarrassed. I get so nervous. I felt anxious. Hubby got me mozzarella sticks with ranch and jalapeño’s. I ate it so quietly and at some point, I had to look towards the wall and I silently started to cry. I was so nervous! So embarrassed, I wanted to get out of there. But I dare and took off the mask and kept stuffing my face with cheese sticks. I knew it was anxiety, but gosh, it hurt. As the people walked by, I watched and hoped that no other persons were sitting too close to us.

I kept looking over to the kids to make sure they were okay. I didn’t want them to see that I Wasn’t.

I practically ripped my skin off during the commercials cause I was so nervous. But when the movie started, I heard them laughing and I felt a little better. I even started laughing.

The movie was really good! I enjoyed the part of it and the story line was very entertaining from beginning to the end. The end had Easter eggs and u B thought that was cool.

Afterwards, the kids and I walked out Cate the hubby said it was done. While we were outside, he actually started a little longer and saw an extra clip.

We took a picture while we waited for him.

There are so silly and I love them so much!

*Big not went out with his girlfriend, so they didn’t get to join us for the show. That’s okay, next time! 😉

BTS

A few weeks ago, I made myself laugh. The girls like a Korean singing group called BTS. I’m still not sure what it means, but I said, “Back To school!”

I thought it was funny, but the kiddos just shook their head. Hahaha!

Well, last Wednesday, I had to take the kids to their school for a COVID Test. The school wanted each student to test negative before heading back. They each did great. MyMy actually did her first test a couple of weeks prior, because she wasn’t feeling well – and she was such a sport.

Today, it’s the kid’s FIRST DAY back to school since COVID. They are so excited! It’s also Mei Mei’s Senior Sunrise. She had the little ones get dressed early, she packed them their lunches and off they went. They get to spend this day with their Ate. She wasn’t going to go, but daddy was able to convince her. She calls the little ones her ‘best friends.’

The other night, hubby said, “We have great kids…” while listening to them laugh and giggle in the room. “We sure do,” I said.

I cry a little each time I think about how fast they’re growing. As a parent, we always want to be there for our kids and spend every moment them and never wanting to let go. Sometimes, we forget who we are and we put in so much energy to keep them happy.

I think about this morning and how I was able to wake up and see them go to school and I just wondered, ‘Yesterday was Sunday, their last day of summer, and what did we do?” …daddy took them out shopping, they got the things they needed for school. What did I do? Nothing…

Early yesterday morning, my co-worker tells me she tested positive for COVID… and I literally sat next to her all day yesterday. The good thing was I had my mask on the entire time and took separate breaks, so there wasn’t a point when I had removed it to get fully exposed. Nonetheless, that’s all I thought about yesterday. This stupid COVID thing blasted through my mind and all I thought about was filtering th house, wearing a mask, and disinfecting everything. I even got upset at big girl over a lunch box (don’t know what got over me at that time – it was over a dumb lunch box). I totally forgot that it was their last day before school starts again.

Well, waking up this morning made me feel better, but I don’t know if it made the kids feel better that I was up for them.

When they left, I went to the girls room and peeked into the boy’s. Big boy still sleeping. The girls tidied up their room… good girls! And Elijah even folded his blanket-awesome!

Have a great day in school kiddos!

There’s always a first

The room extension for my mom and Tatay finally got done. They moved all their stuff very quickly into the new room.

So the girls started painting their room the following day after snd were quick to get their bed.

Last night was the first night the boys and the girls slept apart. They have always slept and shared a room with all four since they were small.

I nearly cried. I love every moment they spend together and felt that their tome in the room is so precious. They would talk, giggle, laugh, share secrets, tell stories, Mei Time, and worked well together to keep their room organized and clean. They barely ever secured it got into disagreements.

I pray they continue to continue to hold onto the bone they have. I am so happy that they have more space to call their own.

We love you guys! Mwa!

Empty check in

When COVID happened, employees were required to do a symptoms check daily, badge in, grab a mask, and put on a sticker on their badge to show they’ve been scanned in. EVERY DAY GOING TO WORK!

Today, the checks in were empty and didn’t scan or put a sticker on my badge.

A year after COVID all started

And here’s a picture of my badge with the stickers I’ve collected… kind of don’t want to get rid of it, but I will have to let go at some point right?

That’s what I do

Finally got a chance to see my patient in the afternoon. He had a couple of guests and one of them was in a military uniform.

He tells the young man, “Ah… she’s here to do her blow job.”

Omg! I thought to myself. Both guests laughed. I couldn’t help it, but I came back with, “Actually, you’ll be the one doing the blowing!” LOL!

?

Am I a good mom?

“The fact that you worry makes you a good mom,” heard on K-LOVE.

Ok… *sniff sniff* I worry and cry all the time – even when I know I should lift my worries all to the Lord and lift my children to the Lord.