If they only knew…

She walks down the stairs and enters the kitchen while I continue washing dishes. I usually go up to her first to kiss her, but I wanted to see if she would actually come up to me and give me a kiss… no kiss or hug…

Me: Hi, mom. How’s your day today?

Mom: Headache… I have a headache all day. (Starts packing and putting dinner away)

Me: (continue to wash dishes)… and just thinking. Realized I haven’t kissed my Mei Mei, yet.

Mom: So how many people did you kill today?

Me: (trying to think of an answer without being rude)

Mei: Nanay?! Don’t ask her that question.

Mom: Well, isn’t that what she does?

Me: (still nothing to say… silence and continues to wash the dishes)

She leaves and when she does, I’m done with the dishes and I hug and kiss my daughter.

Then, I stuff my face with the rest of the brownies and gulp down milk while I watch and listen to my two girls play and laugh. While in the back of my mind, I think to myself, “If she only knew that I come to work for her and treat my patient as if she was my patient. I treat them with love and servitude – I listen, and I hug them, and I kiss them. I pray and hope that their pain goes away and I pray that God gives them and their family strength. I applaud them for being so strong. They are my hero and I admire them for their strength and hope to keep moving forward even when the pain is too much. If only she only knew that I’d do it all for her. But I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. So I come to work and give what I can, because at least at work, I can feel like I’m worth something. If only she knew that her words can pierce a heart and make it ache. Even after a long day when I’ve seen loved ones let go of their child, father, mother, daughter/son… it’s not easy, but someone’s gotta do it. So how many people have you killed? Just one… me.”

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