7 Pounds

My favorite number is 7… Not only is it a lucky number, but it represents completeness in the bible. I’ve always wondered why I like it so much. And I don’t know why but I know that this number is something special. This Is the number in which I married my bestest friend and this is also the time in which my wedding started. Something about seven.

This evening before I went to bed, I asked my husband if I could watch a little bit of tv. The channel turned to an old movie I had watched years ago. It starred Will Smith and it was such a tragic, yet loving, but emotional film. I don’t remember when this movie came out but I made me cry tonight. 

It continued from the part when Will is just about to commit suicide. He had just entered his hotel and prepares to end his life. 

Flashes of the accident that he caused goes through his mind… He he killed 7 people, including his fiancĂ©e. Because of this, he made it his priority to give a gift to 7 people that deserved the most important parts of his body – his hear and eyes.

Then, images of the girl he was starting to fall in loves shows on the screen – she is the girl who got his heart. 

All of a sudden (and maybe it was a traumatic flash back for me or something), but I started to cry. I remembered the day before my heart surgery. Ermer went home  and I was left alone in my room. I felt lonely, afraid, and all these negative things started to worry me.

What if I die? 

What if something goes wrong?

What if I wake up and not remember anyone?

What if I wake up and lost time?

What’s going to happen to my mom?

What’s going to happen to my kids? …my husband?

What if….?!!!

The whole day, I cried when no one was looking, and quietly do no one could hear. 

My heart ached and I was afraid. I prayed to God and I sent my prayers. I told people I love them, I embraced my children, I closed my eyes to dream of my memories and what’s to come.

But I’m here… And these tears? … They’re tears of joy…