She’s so innocent. Nothing to worry about. I love her so much. Resting so peacefully. I hope it always stays that way. She’s so amazing. And I am so blessed to have her in my life… Myella.
I kept to myself today. I didn’t talk very much. I was very quiet. I had time to think. I’m scared. I feel alone. I worry. Is it possible to be happy and to be sad at the same time? I come home, and no one is home. I drink, to make it all go away.
when I got home, I all of a sudden said a small prayer for my son, Ermel. I asked God to please help me understand my son. I miss him. He’s growing up so fast and I feel like everything I say is just wrong. I told God that I know I’m not a perfect mom, but I love him.
As soon as I walked into the house, I headed my way to him. It used to be that he would greet me with open arms and say welcome home mom. Now I go to him and that’s fine. I hope that one day, he will just hug me again without being asked to. He would do it just because. I miss him.
I hugged the little ones first and then I went to hug my Ermel.
Then I went back downstairs to eat. I sat in the dark as I watched my Continuum series. Then, all of a sudden, he came down and guess what? He sat right across from me and we talked. He started the conversation. He started telling me about their class’ Doa De Los Muertad exhibition.
He said he’s good to be a face painter. I look forward to seeing his amazing art on people’s faces.
Then, we talked about ghost stories, our cultures belief on the day of the day, haunted houses and costumes. He said he’s going to dress up as himself. He asked for Other ideas too but I really didn’t have any.
When I got done eating, so did he.
I had a good dinner sitting with my son. I miss that. Just him and I… Ermel and mommy… I love u, Ermel.