Close enough…

Uncle Sesing passed away last week. Hubby went to Milpitas, Ca with mom (Lola) to attend the funeral. He left by car on Thursday and drive about 10-12 hours to get there. When he got there, he called me the same evening and both he and my mom wanted to buy a ticket for me to attend the funeral today. I thought they were kidding, but they weren’t. I got an email with my itinerary for Southwest airlines for a flight at 7:30am in the morning. It was going to be a 2 hour flight, which would arrive in time for the 9:30am funeral service. Wow right?

I had to wake up 4:30 am in the morning to get ready and then my brother in law drove me to the airport.

When I got there, I had a flashback and I nearly cried. I felt like I was in the moment for some reason. There was a rush of excitement and I really enjoyed watching people just do their thing as they prepared their bags and luggage for flight to wherever they were going. The last time I rode a flight close to Thanksgiving time was when I left for Maryland to spend the holidays in the east coast. It was the first Thanksgiving I had ever spent with him. We cooked dinner and had a meal with just the two of us. I remember thinking, “Life is going to be perfect.”

Then I was brought back to reality. I called my hubby to see his smiling face and I wanted to cry even more. I missed my hubby. I wished that I wasn’t flying the plane alone. But what made me smile is the fact that he wanted me to be there with him. He asked my mom for permission if I could go and got me the perfect itinerary (plus business class!) I felt special.

We face timed for awhile and even had breakfast with him live. He was so tired! But he still tried to stay up for me.

As I stared at his tired eyes, I could see the fine wrinkles that peaked around his eyes. I long to see more of those wrinkles.

As my flight went above the clouds, I was able to capture this beautiful view of the sunrise.

This image captures my vision as to being as close to heaven.

Everything was so beautiful, so free, so peaceful. I think I could fly endlessly without a doubt.

Thank you Lord for my blessings. Thank you for this perfect life. It isn’t where and WHO I thought I would be with, but I know that you’re always watching out for me… Please do the same for my Luv, for my kids, and my family.

I Love You Babes!

I see you…

Women are the hardest people when it comes to self criticism.

We judge ourselves so easily and barely see what others see in us…

Be strong, be bold, and most importantly, “Be true to yourself.” God made you beautiful!

🙂 -Michelle.

Just one of them days…

Ok, I don’t know if it’s just cause of my period or what, but I’m just feeling a bit sensitive today…

Or perhaps I’m just overwhelm with trying to be a good mom.

All four kids got sick within the past two days. One by one, they each got a temperature one after the other of up to 102.1 degrees… Thankfully, I had a shelf full of medicine to help control their temps and I found the thermometer to monitor them. I called out the past two days to care for them and hubby went to work.

My mom was home, but I know it would be too much for me to ask her to watch the kids while their sick (ALL of them) and then leave on Monday for a conference at work. IT’s too much… I’m already feeling so tired and overwhelmed and on top of that, I’m on my monthly.

Anyhow… I’ve looked around the house and there were things that I wanted to do about it, but it felt like I’m always doing the same thing week after week… Clean the bathroom, wash the clothes, do the bed, feed the kids… ha, ha, ha.. of course, right? I’m a mom… I realized that it wouldn’t be sooo much if I was just a mom and didn’t have to worry about work.

But for now, that’s a no-no, because hubby doesn’t have a stable job to even pay a roof over heads… I mean, we haven’t paid for mortgage for over 3 years now and still even with that, we don’t have enough in savings for me not to work…

I look at my mom and she’s out shopping and enjoying buying Christmas decorations. I’m just thinking, “Where is she going to put all these things?” One day, she asked me, “When I’m gone, who’s going to decorate?” I teased her and said, “I have pictures of all your decorations. I’m just going to look at them and pick which one I want.” She laughed. It’s nice to see my mom laugh. It’s nice to see anyone in my family life.

Me, however, only such a few people can truly make me laugh and it brings joy to my heart that they know me so well to put a smile on my face. I guess it’s the same if it was anyone else… I don’t know how to make my mom laugh very much. It’s rare that I see her smile the way I’ve seen her smile. And there’s only a few people that CAN make her laugh. I don’t think I’m one of them. And it makes me sad. You know, I feel like sometimes I try to hard in some ways, but try so little in others. For sure, one of them is cooking. My hubby loves it when I can cook for him for dinner, but in all honestly, I don’t cook, because I have a person who judges so easily that’d I’d rather just not even try. And if I try, I cook the way I like it, now how he or she likes it… it’s how I like it.

I just want to cry. There’s so many things I CAN do, but I don’t. WHY? Because I don’t like to try so hard and give my effort when all I get in return is criticism. I used to take criticism well, but now I just choose not to, because I was want and hope for people to appreciate what they have or at least appreciate what’s been done for them.

For example, if I cook you something, please eat it and enjoy it. If you don’t like, the fact that you tried it is all that matters to me. I’ve cooked a few times before and sometimes the dish doesn’t even get touched or at least tried. It’s as if I poisoned it or something – always and excuse.

Or when I clean… I’m not a super house keeper that can get everything done in one day… I need to pace myself, otherwise stress gets the best of me and I get frustrated and eventually put it out on people.

I dunno… I guess I’m just ranting… today, I ate anything from cookies to rice, to veggies to drinking up to 4 cups of coffee… that’s not good… =( I’ve been exercising for the past month and I feel like I’ve only had little to no progress at all… First, it’s not easy exercising when you’ve got a flow and secondly, my diet is not the best when I’m always up and about and always feeling hungry and eating on the go.

Okay, well… I’ve already shed a tear…

Theres’s always tomorrow…

Through Hell and Back

It’s not just the “Notebook” that u can catch me crying to, it’s also “What Dreams May Come” with Robert Williams…

Always makes me remember how far my hubby will go through just to be with me… Even if it means going through HELL just to be by my side.

-Wifey

See Video…

Bed Rest

Oh? 😦 it’s just 4 o’ clock and time for temp check…

101.2… Even Big Boy is all bundled up…

They all caught a fever one by one over night?!

I have four bottles of meds… Two grapes (1 w/o color for the toddler), 1 cherry for 6-11 y.o., and Adult for my tween… One for each kid… Wow, huh?

Rules rules rules:

1) meds every 4 hours if temp rises
2) drinks lots of water
3) no sharing food and drinks
4) offer bread, fruits, and soup
5) no candy
6) more??…

-Michele.

Bored

I turned off the t.v. And told the kids too much watching today, so go play and do something else.

Elijah comes up and asks if he can use my phone to play games. I told him, “No, do anything else but electronics. Read a book, play toys or something.” He said, “Boring.”

“Then go to sleep,” I said.

He walked away mumbling, “Its so boring.”

So guess what?

He’s having fun washing dishes.

-Mommy