Today is the day Myella was born. She was born into the arms of her mommy and daddy at Sharp Mary Birch. A precious Angel whose faith was tested so early in life.
Just one week after she was born, this little girl had to learn how to feed from a bottle in less than 24 hours. She learned with the help from Nanay and a little girl next door, Christine (2 yrs old). Christine gave my baby girl some formula so she can eat, because my family had no time to go out and buy some. After all, mommy suddenly got sick and was rushed to the hospital.
I had a heart attack… Not just one but two just five days apart. Myella was with Nanay, Kuya Elijah, and Ate Mei Mei while Mommy was in the other room calling 911 for help. No one could hear mommy. But I could hear them. Their sweet laughter was so precious to me.
I remember praying, “Lord, if this is it, please take away the pain. If it’s not, please give me the strength to overcome it.”
I remember the first heart attack from the time it started till the second one. The second heart attack happened on the day of my discharge. I didn’t quite feel 100% so the doctors kept me a little longer to run some tests. Everything came out fine. Well, God made sure I stayed within the hospital and placed the right people in my life. Because the rest I don’t remember. If I had left the hospital early, my grave stone would have said this:
Born: January 9, 1980
Died on September 7, 2010.
This is what I was told:
I had fallen off my bed and my face slammed to the ground first. Then my heart went to afib and CPR was started. My heart was shocked 2x and I was placed on life support. This happened right before my husband’s and my son (2 1/2 yrs. old), Elijah’s, eyes. They were both there to bring mommy home to the family, but instead saw me collapse right before them. Ermer yelled for help!
My life would have ended at just 30 years old. My life was in the hands of doctors and nurses who told my family that I had a 50/50 chance of survival. My Family, my friends, and my Pastor came in to pray. God answered their prayers. Though I lost three days of my life with no memory to recall what happened, I gained many more days afterwards to spend with people I love, especially my daughter, Myella.
Just one week after she was born, I was separated from my baby for almost a month! I was worried that my daughter and I would lose the motherly connection Every mother longs for. Not only was I limited to hold her but I couldn’t feed her from my bosom. Ermer sent me pictures and videos of her and the kids everyday.
The hospital wanted to keep me safe in the hospital forever. But I knew that if anything were to happen, my God would be right there. My God will never leave me nor forsake me because His word tells me so.
I got to celebrate with my baby girl her First Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Years.
Then, just 6 months after, she was baptized. A dedication that was so meaningful to everyone who came. Myella has so much love and brought families together and made everything in my heart complete.
Suddenly, I was stricken again with pain in my heart that brought me to my knees. I was in denial at first, but when I felt the enemy hold me down with his deathly palm against my chest, I asked my God to pick me up
And carry me through. Ermer rushed me to the ER and I was admitted immediately. I was tested left and right and results were coming out normal. They were ready to send me home, but something told me to ask, “Are you sure? Cause I can wait till morning to see my cardiologist.” And so we stayed overnight and in the morning, my doctor did an angiogram.
I wake up to a teary-eyed doctor. With his hand on my hand he says, “Michelle, we’re going to have to do heart surgery.” He shows me the pictures of my heart. My heart was broken, literally. Arteries were split and cracked left and right, a few stents here and there could not fix it. I smiled and said, “Ok.” I didn’t cry, not yet. My doctor smiled a crooked smile, and that’s when I knew… I took my hat as a professional healthcare worker off and put on my “Me” hat. And under the sheets, I uttered a small cry to God, “Why?”
As tears rolled down my face, I could not express the emotions I was holding inside. Ashamed that I had just questioned my God, I knew I had to be strong for my family. When Ermer came (who already knew), the first thing I asked was, “What am I going to tell my mom?” and I cried and cried and cried. I was being myself. I don’t cry very often, and when I do, my heart pours out endlessly. We tell my mom that I was going to stay in the hospital a little longer to run more tests.
The truth was that they didn’t want to send me home and risk a deathly heart attack. My heart was about to burst and I was not allowed to laugh, cry, or even move.
A few family and friends came to visit. Everyone knew of my heart surgery but my mom. We didn’t know how to tell her and what reaction to expect. My nurse helped me tell her eventually. It was painful for me to see her cry… Even more when I couldn’t cry WITH her. She’s an amazing woman and with that, she says, “It’s going to be ok, Anak. Just lift it up to the Lord. It’s going to be ok. Don’t worry about the kids, I’ll take care of them.” It was so reassuring that her faith has grown through all this.
On the day before my surgery, the one thing I asked for was to see my kids. The nurses allowed Ermer to bring in the children. One by one I got to kiss my precious boys and girls. Myella was the last to come in. I don’t think the nurses knew how little she was and when they saw her hiding in Daddy’s sweater, Ermer quickly came to my bedside so that I could kiss her and then they giggled away. She smiled and waved so sweetly back at me as they both were escorted out the SICU. I couldn’t help but laugh until my nurse had to tell me to calm down. Babies are NOT allowed in the unit. We just taught her how to break this rule… Oops!
My ejection fraction (the strength) of my heart was only at 30%. I had patients who died instantly at this rate. So my chances of survival was very little. I prayed mightily and listened to praise & worship songs up until the day of my surgery. I looked at pictures of my kids and prayed over my family. I talked and wrote to friends whom I haven’t spoken to for awhile and asked for forgiveness.
My life, my physical being of living, was placed in the hands of doctors whose hands were blessed by God’s divine spirit. The surgery was successful.
The trial afterwards was to gain my strength back. To breathe took a lot of effort, to walk was like being a child again, to lay down in bed was a struggle, and to get up was even more a challenge. I could not sleep without asking for help and nor could I get up without gasping for relief.
And because of the sensitivity of my chest, I could not hold nor carry my baby girl, Myella. For almost FIVE months I was not allowed to lift my child and hold her; even on my lap, required a pillow between my heart and hers.
My little Myella… Her birthday reminds me of all that has happened to the both of us. The trial that God put us both through so early in her life makes our bond as a mother and daughter even stronger. God showed me how to appreciate life even more and that my children are the most precious gifts of life that I can ever receive from Him.
People ask why celebrate (have a party) on this day of all days? Only a mother can understand why we sacrifice for our child.
I died two years ago, and two years later, I’m still living so that I can celebrate the LIFE of my children… The life of my daughter, Myella.
Happy 2nd Birthday! I pray that you have many more years to celebrate.
I love you, we love you, and so does God! May He always be by your side as He was, and still is, for me…