The rain

I have a love and hate relationship with the rain.

Does anyone have this same problem? The rain is so calm and I feel so at peace with it. Yet, it comes in the most unexpected ways and when it rains here in Cali, it pours. I find myself cuddling up under a blanket and eating warm cookies and milk and binging on movies…. shhh!

At the same time, it plays with my emotion and it reminds me that I need to cry. 😢

I scrolled through Facebook and messages keeps showing if my dear friend Hazel. Pictures of us smiling and laughing appeared and I just started to cry.

I’m going to so miss you my friend. You have been such a hope of inspiration in my life and I am so blessed by your presence. They say that some friendships come and go, but never do I ever want a friend to go this way.

I come to work and I smile, but when no one is looking, I’m hiding in the bathroom or in the corner just catching myself crying.

I’m emotionally sensitive. I don’t say anything until some asks, “How are you?”

Such a simple yet important question to ask someone. You just don’t know how anyone’s day is really going until you ask them. Listen and the heart will open.



Haven’t stopped crying when I’m alone since Chad… passed December 23

Then for Tatay, who lost his dad… passed December 26

For my mom’s friend who I had met and have gotten know a couple of times… January 10

And my dearest Angel, Hazel… January 10

It hasn’t been 30 days.


My heart melted today. Hubby texted me and said to pray for Chad Iris’s Family. He said that Chad’s wife left him and he hung himself. The body was found this morning.

It was hard to hold my emotions it. I didn’t understand why and yet I did understand why. I was in denial to the fact that life can be hard and not everyone can always get pass the mountains that’s planted before us.

God said He would never put us through anything we can’t handle, but we don’t put forth enough how the enemy can still whisper how easy it is to just give up.

I went to his Facebook page and saw this…

The last question is when I lost it! I had to finish my work and then I quickly went to the Serenity room in Jacobs. A quiet place for anything, even prayer. For me, I just wanted to cry. Then, my pain from my past came through – all the hurt, the hate, the anger, the pain, came rushing. Then, my patient’s tears today and their pain made me question what type of pain was the worse, “Physical, mental, or emotional pain?” Does spiritual count? Is that considered emotional? I don’t know.

Mental must be the worse. It’s something we can’t see. Pain can only take it away for a moment but if we don’t heal the mind, it just lingers. We can’t forget and it’s always there even when we try, even after we’ve forgiven, but it comes back.

I remember asking, “Where are you God?”

And I heard whisper, “I’m right here, carrying you…”


“Mommy, can you come here please?” I heard Myella say.

She was in the bathroom. As I was heading there, her dad says, “Don’t tell me she got her period already!”

I giggled, but as soon as I opened the door to her call, she had this look on her face. I wanted to smile, but instead held a concern face.

“Yes, baby? Are you okay?”

“I think I go IT.” She said?

“You think so?”

So she showed me and at first, I was like maybe she did get it.

But there was this odd smell and then realized maybe she didn’t?

“Well,” I said, “Did you just eat spaghetti?”

My little 8 year old thought about it and she kind of laughed to herself, “oh yea! I think it’s just spaghetti, mommy!”

I smiled at her relief and then asked, “Do you want to wear a pad just in case?”

She thought about it and said, “No, I’ll e okay.”

I left the bathroom and everyone outside the bathroom looked at me to find out if she did or not…

It’s just spaghetti… Big girl said, “Eww!”



Aye! I almost got a ticket today and I front of the kids too.

Today, my two little ones and I decided to park a good distance from Hillcrest where there was a strike happening. Well, my little boy wanted to ride the scooter and the little girl wanted to ride one too, so I thought, “Well, why not try the Bird scooter that can be rented for several minutes?” I should have listened to my instinct, which said, “Michelle, you don’t have a helmet for your princess and you shouldn’t be riding two people on it.” But I didn’t listen. Even though on the entire ride, it kept whispering to me to be very careful. I didn’t feel safe and I didn’t feel comfortable, so why did I do it? That’s my real question.

Anyways, finally, when we were trying to cross a residential street walk, a police car was driving by and yeps! You guessed it. We stopped our ride right away and the officer questioned me. I kept saying, “Sir….” and answered all his questions including about my son’s scooter who I said was his and it was bought at Target for a child. Its adjustable and the mileage is parentally controlled through an app that I have on my phone. Whew! As for the scooter part, well I told the officer that we were just trying it out and we realized how difficult it was to play on it so we’ve decided not to continue. The conversation ended with me saying, “Thank you for the warning, sir. We won’t do it again.” And then he left. Whew!!!!

A ticket for riding a scooter! Ugh! Dang it…. the kids were bummed, but we thanked God we weren’t issued one. So now, Elijah doesn’t want to ride the scooter. Awe! Poor kiddos. Mama’s fault. Will be more safe and wiser the next time around. Sorry to scare and cause trouble.


Look! Hubby cooked for the first time! 🙂 he’s so cute!… baby girl and I tried it first… and little one wanted another bite.

I wanted another one too but I had such a big lunch I couldn’t stuff myself anymore.

So proud of him for trying. I should have recorded him cooking. Oh, well, it was for my own viewing anyways.

This is what he made… a shrimp 🍤 taco 🌮….

Could have added more sour cream though… hehehe, I love sour cream! 🙂