Tears

This made me cry…

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If…

If I was a bad mom, would my kids pray and have more faith in God?

I feel like a good mom – always trying my best to be an example, but sometimes they don’t listen. Especially my oldest. He doesn’t get up early to get ready for church and at one point, he even questioned the existence of the Lord and even said that he just goes to make us happy. I don’t want him to just go for him to make us happy, but you know, it’s harder as a parent to instill values, culture, manners, and even a faith based life.

What if I just don’t act as the responsible parent a parent is supposed to be? I don’t know. This is tough. We want our kids to be able to be independent and have a decision of their own as they get older but I don’t know if it’s my hope, my faith, my values, my idea of how life should be lived vs. the life God has in store for them.

I get it… the answer… prayer and let Him take control.

Father and son

So Hubby is going to pick up his big boy this after work tonight. I saw 15 msgs they had exchanged last night about this weekend’s visit back home. It’s his baby sisters bday, and this was little girls wish to have her big brother there. The convo between Dad and son is a bit funny to me, especially at the end.

First of Four

Got to fix his hair and some touch ups! 🙂 didn’t know I’d be doing this for my boy. Long hair don’t care moment… he wears it well don’t you think?

So handsome…

Meet his adorable date, Miss. Tori Blas. (I hope I spelled her name correctly)

The aftermath I now have to clean up. Deciding whether to keep the new flat iron or not. Winks!

Silence

You never apologize when you know you’re wrong. It hurts my feelings and it’s selfish of you to be that way. Pride is not good, it hurts, and it makes me sad longer even if happiness happens more often, the sadness lingers and wastes my time.

Saying sorry is not hard, so why not just say it even if you may think you’re right? If anything, it helps with the relationship, but if you allow pride to continue on, I should have left a long time ago.

Don’t get defensive when I say You. You’re the only person I’m talking to so there’s no else. And because I value our relationship, my silence is what I’ve learned to do rather than say what’s on my mind. Because words that’s I say, I can’t take back, otherwise, I can say things that I do mean, so I’d rather not say anything at all. That’s how important you are to me.

PB

I wasn’t quite hungry today. I just ate left overs. For dinner, I figured I’d just eat pb&j. I asked the kids already if they ate. When they found out I was going to make pb&j, they wanted some too.

There was only two breads left. I looked at my little ones and they were so excited to make a sandwhich with me. I helped them make theirs and then I went back upstairs with my string cheese Baybel. I was about to message Hubby to buy some bread cause I know the cheese won’t fill me up and I don’t want to eat rice.

Next thing you know, Elijah comes upstairs and shakes his other half of the bread. I think either he realized or sister told him that was supposed to be my dinner – and that cheese is what I ended up eating. I wasn’t sad, but this makes me so proud of him to give him. I told him he doesn’t have to do that. I made sure I asked if he’s full. He said he wanted to. Thank you, Elijah! Mwa!

Reminder

Remind me again why…

– I work so hard

– why I’m going back to school

– worry

– eat well

– exercise

– care

I can do everything…

168 hours in a week

6hrs/ day sleep if any… (average 5hrs) = 42 hours

72 hour work week

13 hours for school

Divide the rest of my time by 8 (8 people in my household – 4 kids, husband, Mom and Dad)… this doesn’t include the dogs, and other family and friends… 5hrs each to my household a week. That’s one hour and 1mins with each member in my household.

I manage my time very well… I look at every minute and every hour of my day and I give them to someone who wants it and if you want my time, I’ll give it, because God blesses me with more time to live… so if you need me, just let me know, but don’t make me feel bad when I don’t have it at that moment. It’s not fair – I ask and I ask and I ask, and the answer is always no, so when you finally ask, and I say “No,” then don’t ask ‘why.’ But do keep in mind that when we I say ‘no.’ It breaks my heart, because I want to be there. I want to help and I want to be supportive.

Don’t push me away, because everything I do- my work, my schooling, my kids, the little things I clean when you’re not looking (like dusting), I do them for you. I don’t ask for a lot… but I do ask for respect of the time. I have to work, clean, take care of the kids during school days and much more that I just don’t have time to actually do the things I really want to do – like draw, take a 🛀 bath, do my nails, learn and instrument, things I LIKE TO DO. It’s a sacrifice I tell people. Does it make me happy? Yes, because it’s for my family. But you know what? If it doesn’t make you happy, then why do I even try?

Do my efforts make anyone happy? Isn’t even enough? Do you not see my time above and how I manage them?

Apparently not… I don’t know if I’m the selfish one or you…