Day 1: COVID19

Woke up in the morning after a late night staying up reading articles after articles.

First thing I noticed when I stepped out of the house was how clear the sky was, How fresh the air was, and how peaceful the darkness was.

There was such a weird feeling. I really did not want to go to work. I kept updating my email to see if there was any new news from the University. My husband saw that I was thinking so much, and took a morning moment to kiss me. I almost cried. Just what if today’s the first day that the emergency room goes crazy, or that a family member tries to break in into the hospital to see their loved one, or that it comes to find out that the patients we’ve been waiting to test are positive? Which means that a multitude of us have just been exposed to COVID19.

My mind kept running during the entire drive. just a couple of days ago, the governors of California announced how gatherings of 250 and more should be avoided. Then yesterday, trump announces the countries emergency to prevent further spreading of the virus. It was later in the afternoon that I started to realize how much we needed to prepare. The schools were going to be close for almost an entire month. The southwestern community college, our teacher had announced that we would have online classes as of March 16 until the end of the month. Now, I’m not sure if that’s going to last even longer.

After work yesterday, my husband and I went to the store and picked up a few more supplies – there was hardly anything left. Not even canned goods. We ended up getting chili and some refried beans and SpaghettiOs. We did find some tissue boxes and some cough drops and some medicine that could be helpful during this time. It’s crazy how everything is getting sold at the store.Most stores restock every two weeks especially the grocery stores. I typically don’t shop until mid week, but now with the stores running out of items, I bought as much as I possibly could.

Today, there were no new news about things running out has lessened. There showing how roads are now starting to fall off the shelves. It was a bit funny, only because I barely eat bread nowadays. I did notice that a lot of the baby items have disappeared to. And that worries me and the Mom‘s and the Dad‘s little children. I’m glad that my niece and my own kids don’t wear diapers anymore. Then, I thought about the elderly. I hope that they are OK. All this ran through my mind throughout the day. And all of my coworkers especially in the unit talked about the situation.

When I came in, the two patients that were intubated to the ICU were tested positive for COVID 19. A couple of my colleagues were present during the assisted code blue. I am worried that a lot of us have been exposed to the virus. I’m counting the days to see if I am showing any symptoms. Today would be day one.

I was in the same unit I was in for the past few days. Today would be my third day in that unit. There were a couple of concerns of a patient that could have been a ruled out for the virus, the patient was intubated and the dropleft precautions were removed.

It was nerve-racking, because a lot of people didn’t know whether they should wear a mask or not. I continue to wear a mask. Not only was this patient not yet ruled out of coronavirus, simply because he didn’t have a mask. But also because I was a therapist who is up, clothes, and personal with the patient.

Didn’t really get to find out if the patient was positive or not. But by the end of the shift, we got report that the hospital was limiting I’m putting regulation on visitors. It was hard to hear that. Mid shift, one of my patients just kept crying while another family member in another patient’s room was asking multiple questions, limitations, as tears dropped from their eyes.

Holding my feelings throughout the whole entire shift was like trying not to cough. I didn’t want to tension. But when report team, I had to tell the next therapist how the patients and their families were doing. Not everyone was updated, or reads their email right before work, and so with this news, I shed a tear. Daisy said, “You have such a good heart, Michelle.”

I want my tears away, And went home. It was just the beginning.

I stayed within the unit. All my other coworkers, we’re in the other unit taking care of the two positive sick ventilated patients. There was no need for me to be in that unit, so to prevent any spread of the disease, I made sure I wash my hands all day, and one mask, and prevented touching other things that I shouldn’t be touching. It was mentally challenging. Even eating was hard to think about.

I love him

I love having these small moments with my son. He picked me up from work. I can still remember the first time he picked me up. He played some music that he listens too. Something Moodle sang a rendition and mixed of musics that were pretty good and then showed me a video of an essay who talked and made a video about the universe. It was nice listening to him tell me about what he likes about it.

I love you, son!

Can’t

“You can’t always get what you want, Michelle.”

I hear all the time. I stop to think what I want and this is something I hear whispering in the back of my mind.

What do I want?

– for my children to be happy and succeed in life

– to be able to provide, give, and share without hesitation.

– to escape when every I want to

– to sit in church with someone next to me. I sit alone, and I feel alone.

Then, I’m reminded this.

That I don’t always get what I want. Because it’s not about me. It’s about them. It’s about what I can give that’s free – time, love, prayer, truth, happiness, memories. Those I can give. It’s priceless.

I’m surrounded by lots of family, friends, and a world that I barely tapped into. A world that Good created. I cant make the time to escape to those places.

And when I’m in church… I am not alone. He is with me. He’s sitting next to me. So I will enjoy this moment and be with Him.

Luck

Was chilling on the stairs having my coffee. My mom was talking to me about the time and how she couldn’t see it. I saw look at her phone but it was sooo close to her face… I giggled… she heard.

“Why you laughing?” She asked.

“Want me to make your font bigger?” I giggled.

“You know, you’re always laughing at me.”

“It’s just you and me here, mom. No one else. It’s okay to laugh.” I said.

“You know, my eyes are bad already. You’re lucky if reach my age.” She said.

I choked. I wanted to say something ‘wise’ like, “Yes, I would be lucky.”

Instead I just laughed, but even after she said that I went upstairs and cried.

I am lucky… blessed to be alive even right now. Especially to share this moment. Silly moments.

I’m going to be forty soon! Someone once told me that I’d be lucky to reach 40. They told me that I have to take good care of myself. If not, then there’s a chance I would need a transplant.

I AM SO TIRED! So so tired. This year has been hard – emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

“Stay STRONG, you can get through this,” I say to myself.

Count your blessings; luck has nothing to do with it… cause I’m not a leprechaun 🍀 hehehehe!

Nineteen

On November 3rd my beautiful daughter turned 15! Wow! She wanted to celebrate her birthday going out for lunch with friends at Zion market and enjoying Korean food. Then later in the evening, we went to watch Tauren Wells. Hubby went to the VIP meet rather than I. I was so worn out and needed to rest. They looked like they had a wonderful moment together. The evening ended with more memories to share.

My handsome son just turned nineteen on November 8… I hope he has a wonderful day. He just wanted to relax and do NOTHING. Best birthday wish ever, because that’s what I had wanted one year. For his birthday dinner, we went to El Indio and both Twano houses went. Even uncle Arthur was able to make it. Everyone enjoyed the dinner. Then he went to watch a show at the National Comedy Theater. I was told that he even got to go on stage. He must of had such a blast! ♥️ totally love this guy.

While we were having dinner, big girl was all also enjoying the day at homecoming. Her Kuya gave her permission to go. Very sweet of him especially when I tried to pull the guilt trip on her.

Turning 19 is definitely a milestone for big boy. When u turned 19, my mom threw me a birthday party and my friends were all invited. The only one who was not there was my boyfriend at the time. I really missed him, but there was someone else at my party that was there. And I had decided to give him a chance.

On my 19th Birthday, was the day I had let go of my boyfriend and we both agreed to see other people. My heart both broke and put back together on the same day. Is that even possible?

Yes it is. 19 was just the beginning.

Same year, about three months later, I got married.

Today, I realized that it wasn’t because I was young and in love is the reason why I got married young.

Today I realized it is because I grew up to fast. Fast enough that I was ready to be on my own… because in has always felt that I was in my own. I was an individual who walked on her own. I was ready to start my own life and have my own family. I found someone special and this year got to celebrate both my kiddos.

I hope and pray that my nineteen year old doesn’t feel lonely. I hope that he feels the love and the joy he brings and receives from us and from all his family and friends. I hope and pray that big girl feels our presence in her love and trust that she is a beautiful person both in and out.

These kids are so amazing! The bring joy to our hearts and we are excited to see and be a part of many more years to come.

Mwa! Momma loves you!

“What really defines someone is what they won’t do.” -Legacies